Stages of love

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Stages of Love

Now I understand that everything that happened to me while working on this art was meant

for me to experience it. The statement must be lived by the author. You cannot skip this stage even if you have a beautiful metaphor. Otherwise, the statement becomes formal.

Infatuation

I stand on the balcony and look at a bare tree, a plastic bag flying in the air. They are separated by centimeters, but the wind does not let them meet. Sometimes the bag touches the tree, but again it flies away. Finally, the wind gets tired and the bag hangs on the branches. It has found peace and only sways occasionally. I thought that this was the perfect metaphor for the stages of love. The desire to create art consumes all other thoughts. I am burning with this idea, constantly thinking about the plot, imagining the composition and dynamics, dreaming of sitting down to work faster.

Satiation

I've been working on the art for over a week now. I sleep for only 5 hours a day. I made the plot more complicated, added a few more bags to create more movement. It's better now, but I'm missing the ending. Irritation appeared. Deadlines and the fact that my wife takes care of our two-month-old son alone are pressing on me. I barely help her because of the art. I feel like I'm running out of breath working at this pace. The ending is found, a few more days of work and the files are ready to be sent to the render farm. The big panoramic screen in the gallery consists of five small screens. A video must be created for each screen so that they form a seamless whole without any seams. Each video lasts 22 seconds, with 30 frames per second, which is 660 frames in one video, and 3300 frames in five videos. There is no satisfaction or joy from the work done.

Disgust

I waited for over a day for the central screen render to be ready. I assembled individual frames into a single clip and experienced terrible stress. The art must be submitted tomorrow, but the video is full of errors. Everything is not as it looks in my 3D modeling program. And this was just the video for one screen, and there should be five. I asked the exhibition organizers for a deadline extension. I contacted the render farm tech support, figured out the problem, and started the render process again. And so five times. Another week passed. I assembled the render of all the clips into one panoramic screen and saw many errors. This time, I animated the flight of the bags from screen to screen incorrectly. Three weeks of hard work went up in smoke. I already hate this art. It took so much out of me. All this time, the feeling of guilt for leaving my wife alone with our child grew. The exhibition has been postponed for a month. I'm devastated.

Patience

For a week, I didn't open my 3D software and spent time with my family. Then I fixed errors and reworked the animations of five videos. I improved the ending by gradually adding flowers to the branches. I sent the files to the render farm, but again, there were errors. The result was different from what I had created in the program. Seeking help from technical support, more experienced 3D artists, and Google didn't help. To give up on my art at this stage would devalue all the time and effort invested not only by me but also by my family, who was eagerly waiting for its completion. I sent the files to the render farm again, and again, there were errors. But I know that I need to be patient and everything will be alright.

Love

It's been over a month since I stood on the balcony and watched the package and the tree. The art is ready, and I have found peace, just like the package on the branch. Love and hate are just one step apart. With my family, I have gone back and forth along this path several times. Now I understand that everything that happened to me while working on this art was meant to be felt. The statement must be lived by the author. You cannot skip this stage even if you have a beautiful metaphor. Otherwise, the statement becomes formal. My experience and this description are now part of the art. Its content. Before you is a story of imperfect love with many flaws that make it alive. That's why I fell in love with this art again.